Over the last couple years, I’ve really been honing in on what God is asking of me. What He wants my life to look like. Ultimately, just trying to readjust the sails, and focus more on Him. To mold my life to look more like Jesus. Last January, of 2017 our pastor back home preached a series titled, Will You Let God Resurrect the Dead Places? This sermon series started an avalanche of change in my heart, soul, and mind. My God dream was very obvious in many places in my life, like school/career. There was no doubt in my mind that I was moving towards the pursuit of His plan for my life. My dream in that realm is my god dream. It is everything wonderful in the world. I wouldn’t be here without His plans for me.
However, that service, and every service I attend, I like to capture one piece of something as a take away. Or more, but at least one thing to self-reflect on and check into how that applies to me. So the challenge was to ask God to clean out the dead places, seems easy enough? Think again. The last year, since that moment has gutted my heart, mind, and soul, and washed it new in ways I couldn’t imagine. There’s been trials I have walked through, ways my faith has been tested, and sadness that you only experience with a broken spirit. In that though, there is healing. There’s waiting. There’s tears. But there is so much Jesus. He is in the waiting. There is growth. Maturation. Love.
When God works on your dead places, he brings the deepest, tucked down darkest things in your being, to the light. He puts them out on display, because where there is light there can be no darkness. When you bring those places into the light the enemy can no longer take hold of them. He can’t whisper lies in to them any longer. They give him no footholds. Bringing dark places you’ve been out into the light, and washing them clean hurts, it does, but allowing God to wipe them clean, feels so good. There were things in my heart I didn’t even know were still hurting me. There were relationships I missed, ones I needed to distance from, and ones I needed to build. There was shame, and guilt from past mistakes, sin nature, and habits that were hard to kick.
I eventually got to a point, where I told God I trusted him with everything. That I was ready to move deeper into knowing him. That I wanted him to take control of my life. Then he showed me in the most gentle yet obvious manner, the last piece that stood in the way. The last chunk of my heart I still wouldn’t give him. I mean, didn’t I trust him? And if I did, why did it hurt me so bad?
Can I tell you friend, if there is pain in circumstance, that just means you’re facing it head on. It means that it is in the process of healing. It means that instead of growing numb to the world around you, you are embracing it, pain, tears, and all. Can I tell you that if there’s pain, it means that your story isn’t over. If it doesn’t look good, that better is yet to come.
We may not understand why God allows us to walk through some of the things that we do. And I sure as heck know that the hard times, sin nature, and painful moments come from the enemy, not God. But I do know that perseverance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope will never disappoint (Romans 5:3-5). I can see now that God has just wanted me all along to trust him with everything I have. To know that he is bigger than circumstances. And that no matter how I feel in that moment, that this life is only temporary. The ultimate goal is heaven, and I know that means I need to do whatever God asks of me. No matter if my emotions align with it or not. My God is bigger, he sees my life today, tomorrow, and forever. And he sees yours too. He sees you friend, and he loves you. He created you for a purpose. Have you asked him what that is, and actually wanted to know the answer?
Sometimes it isn’t comfortable, in fact He likes to get us outside of our comfort zone, so that we trust him, and learn to to grow our faith. I think we ask God things, and then when the answer isn’t something we like, we try to ask for it a different way. Giving in to the way, His way, is always better. Trust me. I had to let go of a lot of things to get where I am today. The healing process of that is still very real, very new. Some days are hard. Some days, I get so busy with school and life, that I forget how very real it is. But, my God is bigger, he loves me, me has a plan for me, and he has a future for me. And I will live my whole life believing that is true, and chasing after the one who created me.
Because He is Good Good. I want to live that Good Good Life too.