Before I talk about me I just wanted to say a few things I constantly need to remind myself, that maybe someone else needs to hear too. You are beautiful. You are on purpose. You are beautifully and wonderful made.
Though for men it may not need to be the same sentiments. We’ll go with. You are strong. You are built in the image of God. He created you to be love and be loved too.
Lately I’ve been having deep prayer, and just lonnnnng conversations with the lord. Asking him to wash parts of me away that need cleaned.
Some I didn’t even know were there. I’ve been struggling with sin just like anyone else. A few months ago we had a section of sermons for the new year that were about finding the dead places in our hearts, and letting god work what only he can in them.
TRULY letting God into your inner heart and thoughts. And expose what’s in there. Yikes. I know!
Let me tell you what. It’s not always pretty. It’s caused a lot of uncertainty, and a lot of questioning about how I view love. And if I’m really honest. I’ve spent the last couple years looking to the world for that advice.
A world that tells you to be sexy, mysterious, and seductive. That if you don’t have a raging sex life, that you’re doing it wrong. And as a girl who has struggled with insecurities, sometimes you just don’t feel sexy. Or beautiful. Or like anyone could feel that way about you.
These last few months, of being on my what I like to call, a spiritual retreat. God has opened my heart to the fact that he designed love, sex, and marriage to be so much more than the lies that this world whispers.
He’s built and designed it to be beautiful. Within the constraints of marriage. He’s designed a husband and wife to love him first. To know that he loves each of us, as we are created in his likeness. And to know that this life will not be easy. But with him we can do ALL THINGS. In him we can be STRONG AND COURAGEOUS. Through him, we can love, and be loved. Through him, all sins and stray thoughts can be controlled and forgiven.
He has also shown me, that sometimes forgiving yourself can be the hardest of all….
On the days you don’t feel worthy of the things or people he’s placed in your life. On the days you feel less than good. He’s shown me that there truly is an enemy of our souls. Who comes to do NOTHING but steal, kill, and destroy. He wants you to feel alone, and like no one could possibly love or forgive you.
Can I tell you he’s wrong? And the crazy thing. He KNOWS he’s wrong, but he doesn’t care. He’ll use any excuse to twist gods promises, and make them seem like you have no hope of being forgiven, saved, or worthy.
Friends, if you’re in a season of change, and you feel like you’re just clawing your way through the mud. Keep going! Fix your eyes on the creator who created you to be like him! Remember that you can choose joy, even when you don’t feel it. You can take control of your emotions and focus on the true promises. Read your bible, they are there!
And a few reminders that I’ve been telling myself lately.
-It’s okay to not have the answers.
-It’s okay to feel like you aren’t perfect (news flash you aren’t)!
-You don’t owe anyone an explanation, or excuse.
-Sometimes you’ve got to retreat, and pray it out.
-Getting out the icky parts, is not at all fun, but it produces the overflowing healing tears that bring a new hope.
Friends I pray that if you’re in that season. Of needing to be cleaned. Or forgiven. Ask! And you’ll see you already have been! Just like that! Grace is pretty amazing that way.
Just remember. You have to forgive yourself too.
You are worth it.
“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household we will serve the Lord.” -Joshua 24:15-